The Hardcore Bachelorette Party

Hardcore bachelorette parties are not for the meek and mild. Oh, wild times chugging liquor, feeling up hot, muscular men, and drunken hook ups in the bathroom. Ah, what memories are made before that big day with the old ball and chain. Hardcore party girls do not go for the milk and cookies, they want the whole sausage and they want him hot and ready. Put up the stupid penis rings and LifeSaver shirts biddies, it’s time to whip out the thong and condoms.

Sometimes there are times when it seems that life is giving you that old line, “Always a bridesmaid and never a bride”, why be the bride when you can be the bachelorette? Move over Martha Stewart, no more cookies and punch for the modern woman. Little Miss Gonna -Get- Married is looking to get wild before she ties the knot and only one thing will do…she wants a hardcore bachelorette party for a bunch of hardcore party girls.

So what is a hardcore bachelorette party? Well I am tickled that you ask. A hardcore bachelorette party is anything you want it to be. A standard term the hardcore party girls might here is “CFNM”, which stands for Clothed Female(s) Nude Males. It is exactly what it sounds like. It would typically apply to the standard Male Stripper dancing at a typical bachelorette party, but not a hardcore bachelorette party. The clothed women at a hardcore bachelorette party might be doing more than just looking at the merchandise. Many of these hardcore party girls get to sample the goods. If I need to explain what the allegory is, maybe we need to have a discussion on “Birds and the Bees 101”. These types of parties can either be immensely fun, provided all of the girls are swingers ready to party with anyone, or they can lead to some feelings of guilt, anger, recrimination and hostility…all directed towards the best friend who planned the party. Be smart. Know how the bachelorette is going to react.

Let’s assume that the girls are extreme hardcore party girls. The type all college frat boys dream of hooking up with one day. Here are a few ideas for the party night:

• Eat some food. No one wants to be drunk to early and sick before things really get going. Find something more to eat than an Altoid or a pack of crackers.
• Pack some aspirin and some TUMs. A lot of times, alcohol can disagree with a person’s digestive system and can cause a massive headache, be prepared.
• Load up on condoms. Even if the bride to be isn’t going to indulge, be prepared. Maybe you can decorate some cars before the wild night is through.
• Number of a taxi service or trusted and reliable Uber driver. Don’t drink and drive. Enough said about that.
• Don’t forget some gum. No one likes to kiss someone else who has ashtray breath or smells like the bottom of a distillery barrel.

Okay, now that the purses are packed, lets move to entertainment. Strippers are always a good choice, but make sure they dig females. There is nothing worse than going into a strip club and finding out that the male dancers have no interest in the ladies and make it seem that dancing for you is a torture. Pass, no way. If you are able to find some hotties that deliver more than a few bumps and grinds but can offer up the whole package…make sure there are enough to go around. If strippers who put out aren’t in your price range…go sweet talk some college hunks into earning a little extra beer money by putting on a show. The point is to have a blast and get wild and crazy.

Have fun, and remember…what happens at a bachelorette party, stays there. Clean up the evidence in the morning, go have a latte and chill to the fond memories of being a wild single woman one last time.