Men have jumped off the pages of GQ Magazine, fled to California, and are now available for purchase. Handsome and charming, and available at the reasonable price of just over a hundred dollars an hour! ManServants are the hottest gift this season but when we get no bang for our buck, what exactly are we paying for? It seems, when sex is off the table, companionship is worth whipping out our charge cards. And not just any companion. This service promises their men come with charming personalities and a polished look. They have every woman’s idea of Prince Charming, and some women could really use one this holiday season!
We’re fabulous. Our hair is always done and we’re constantly being mistaken for that girl on that reality show. As an Instagram celebrity, we feel that we need someone to hold back the mob of fans we’ve accumulated. There’s nothing worse than being interrupted during a meal for an autograph. A man servant will act as our bodyguard, and speak to the public on our behalf. He’ll fix our hair before our duckface selfie, and assist in applying the perfect filter before posting it to Instagram. He’s a keeper!
We need to be pampered, and who better to do that than a man servant? Make him blow out our hair, paint our nails, and massage our feet all while he finishes a load of our laundry and has dinner in the oven. Then when we’re all dolled up, we’ll take our young hunky arm candy out on the town for some scenic photos to quiet all the haters on Facebook. While this service doesn’t offer a happy ending, this dreamboat will put you on display in a way that will get everyone’s attention.
We’re celebrating our last fling before the ring, and the thought of sweaty balls dancing under our nose is nauseating. Our mind is telling us we’re a queen for the night, and we don’t feel like we should be pouring our own drinks. In fact, we don’t think we should be doing much lifting at all. A man servant can sweep us off our feet, carrying us from the bar to the dance floor. He’ll hold our purse until we need to reapply our lip gloss, and then dig it out and glide it over our lips. A man servant will compliment our bridesmaids, even our fiancé’s homely looking cousin we’ve never gotten along with but were forced to invite.
The Bitter Single
We ditched the guy but he moved on quicker than we would have liked. As we scroll through our Instagram feed and see his goofy grin as he’s snuggled up with that girl he always claimed was “just a friend”, we’re tempted to click that unfollow button. Manservantsnow offers a month of Instagram stalking from one of their sexy servants for only $30 a month. They’ll like your photos and write flirty comment on your posts, which will surely drive your ex insane!
We’re important. So important that we couldn’t possibly make our own coffee or read our own emails. In fact, the heat is on too high in our office and we can’t possibly stand to fan ourselves all day. A man servant can also be your personal assistant. He’ll run out to get your lunch, and offer a massage as the stress of the day builds. He’ll also add to your office décor as he’s just so darn handsome!
The Lonely Single
We’re the women requesting a table for one and spending most our nights lounging on the couch with our beastie: Netflix. We hardly mind that our stilettos are collecting dust in our closet, but every now and then we get an invitation that requires a plus one. And when we can’t stand grandma’s inquiries anymore about what ever happened to our “little friend” we mistakenly brought to Christmas that one year, or we don’t want to hear our colleagues faked astonishment when we show up to the holiday party stag, we turn to ManServants and hire ourselves a stud!
Lastly, if our long distance beastie falls into any of these categories, ManServants now offers personalized videos we can send to her! For only twenty bucks, we can write our own message to be read by their sexy servants or let them do all the hard work. Either way, this sexy idea is sure to be a hot trend this holiday season!
Unfortunately, ManServants is a hands-off service. Other than a massage, these men are instructed to keep their hands to themselves. If you’re feeling a bit more daring, you can always rent a stud for full contact bliss.