“He knows how I like it,” explains Emily Darnell, a married advertising executive in her late twenties. She’s glowing as she details the sexual routine she has with her husband. “First he goes down on me, often for a half hour or so, and then when I’m right there on the verge of cumming, he enters me and fucks me viciously and I have such an intense orgasm.”

She stresses those lost two words, eyes wide with excitement. Intense… orgasm.

“But not him. He isn’t allowed. He stops after I cum so we can have cuddle time and I think it’s so hot feeling his hard cock pressed against my ass, knowing it belongs to me and his pleasure is mine to give or withold. It is quite the power trip!”

Emily is just one of a growing number of women who practice erotic sexual denial, also known as orgasm denial or orgasm control, a sexual practice in which a man is kept in a heightened state of sexual arousal for an extended length of time without orgasm. The length of time can range from hours and days to weeks and months.

“He’s much more attentive to me when he hasn’t cum for a while, much more willing to please me, to communicate with me.” says Emily. “He sees an orgasm as a reward for making me happy and I can extend that for days, even weeks.”

Do you want to be a sex goddess – treated like a queen – wave your magic wand and get what you want? Of course you do, and you deserve to have it. Oh, the fun doesn’t stop there – not at all. By practicing male orgasm denial, you will be powerful – pleasured – pampered. Your sex partner will place you on a throne and aim to please you in every way possible.

You see – you decide when your lover gets to cum. The truth is, men need help controlling their cock. Teasing and denying a man is exhilarating for you and sexy to him. Eventually, you allow your lover to have an orgasm as a reward for pleasing you. He actually respects and adores you more when you hold the key to his penis – rather literally or figuratively speaking – as some women do choose to use chastity devices.

When asked how she ensures her man isn’t masturbating, she said, “well – that’s the trick, he has to give you his word, and you have to let him know how disappointed you’ll be if he masturbates. Most guys who give control of their orgasm to you will slip. You’ll soon recognize the signs – he becomes less agreeable, and his sexual response time slows. You’re able to pick up on subtle clues.”

Kimberly Thomas, a recent college graduate, has a similar approach and says, “A guy’s whole demeanor changes after sex. After you get to know him, it’s really easy to tell if he’s jerked off. If I suspect it, I just extend the time until he can cum again. Sometimes I even withhold MY orgasm from him. He gets really disappointed if I don’t let him get me off. I just do it to myself while he watches.”

Benefits of Male Orgasm Denial

1. You’re in charge. He cums when you decide!
2. You’re the focus. Receive sexual and sensual pleasure the way you want and when you want.
3. You’re always desired. He’ll want you constantly.
4. The lines of communication are now open. He’s now more willing to share his thoughts and feelings with you.

There are numerous benefits to women who practice male orgasm denial, and don’t worry about him (just in case you were, and if you’ve ever had a man cum before you could climax, you’re absolutely not), because he will experience pure ecstasy as a result. He will enjoy hours of passionate sex, rather than a short session of fucking for release. And, when you do allow him to cum, it will be a mind-blowing, earth-shattering orgasm that will make him worship you even more. If you smoke, think about how much more you appreciate the puffs of pleasure after waiting longer than normal – or how electrified your entire being feels when you climax after a long sexual plateau. When he earns it, this is the intoxicating experience you give a guy, and it will benefit you in the end – as it should.

Your man will also gain heightened sensual sensitivity. Emily says, “My husband often jokes that he gets a hard on whenever the wind blows. I can just brush my hand across his cock, and it gets hard almost instantly.”

Make no mistake about it – Emily is in control – her lover enjoys the results of being dominated by a woman who has mastered this art.

“My husband has become my willing slave, LOL.”

Male orgasm denial is erotic for both partners, but it offers multiple benefits to women.

Electrifying Authority

Being in charge of a sexually aroused man is electrifying – both mentally and physically. Knowing you have the power to cause and prevent events from happening, as well as create the conditions, is exciting.

Kimberly says, “I feel very empowered. I mean, I control a very key part of his manhood.”

An Obedient Man Whose Goal is to Please

When an orgasm is a man’s end goal, his desire to please his woman fades away once he cums. On the other hand, when you control his orgasms, his goal is to please you in every way.

Emily says, “My husband doesn’t rush through sex, for sure! He showers me with attention, is very agreeable, and does most of the housework. See, with the promise he might get to orgasm, he doesn’t want to disappoint me.”

“I learned by experience that a horny man is an obedient man,” says Kimberly.

Orgasms – Orgasms – Orgasms

Since you decide when your man will be able to cum as a reward for pleasing you, he will make every effort to give you orgasms – rwith his cock – his tongue – a vibrator – any way you please. Some men can stay hard and please their woman as long as needed once they are used to restraining themselves from cumming. As a result, you can expect to have multiple orgasms.

When asked how she benefited from male orgasm denial, Kimberly said, “More orgasms more often for me. And he treats me like a queen. Do you think he’s after something? (wink)”

Thrilling Tease and Denial Games

Teasing and denying is fun, and it gives both sex partners a rush. When practicing male orgasm denial, you arouse your lover until he is on the verge of cumming, and then you make him stop – he is not allowed to cum. Tease and denial can take place during sex, but you can also get very creative by using sex toys.

Kimberly says, “Tease and denial is a very important aspect. I’m really into edging and brewing guys. I also like to use some emotional teasing – like when I’m cumming, I’ll say something like, ‘Don’t you wish you could cum? But you’re just not worthy.’ I’ve also told him in the past a man’s orgasm is for making babies, and since we’re not trying to make a baby, why does he need to cum? I’ve also reasoned with him that a woman’s orgasm is purely for pleasure. I guess this some kind of mild brainwashing? LOL.”

A Compliant Cock – Equals – A Blissful Babe

You see, when you tease your man and deny him an orgasm regularly, you are building his frustration tolerance; therefore, he becomes more fun to be with.

Increased Intimacy

When a man is teased and denied, he experiences a mindset change. As a result, he reacts much like a female does after an orgasm. He wants to be intimate and snuggle. This allows for a more like-minded, enjoyable relationship.

An Energetic Lover

When a man cums, his energy level declines. However, a guy who has his orgasms controlled has an increase in vitality due to built up sexual energy. The result is a man full of life who is willing to use his energy – by cleaning house – by taking you out – communicating – however you want.

Emily explains it this way – “In some spiritual beliefs like Taoism, orgasm control is encouraged to preserve a man’s strength and essence. Ever heard that old adage in sports that athletes should avoid sex while training? You know that brief moment after a guy comes where he gets emotionally distant and physically spent? Taoists call that ‘the little death,’” she said.

Getting Started

“Now, this arrangement isn’t for everyone. A guy has to really adore you before he’ll go along with it. Guys react to sex and if you’re sexual with them, they’ll become devoted to you.” Emily explained.

Some guys want a female to be in control of them and their orgasms. In fact, this is how Emily became familiar with male orgasm denial. She said, “I had a boyfriend my freshman year in college who was into Femdom. He encouraged me to pursue it, and one of the aspects was orgasm denial. I’ve since practiced it on other guys I’ve had relationships with.”

If you are interested in male orgasm denial, start with some fun teasing and denial games, but allow him to cum at the end. This will give your lover a taste of the advantages. In order to receive the benefits, you will have to talk your lover into allowing you to control his ejaculations – trickery won’t work, but will cause the opposite of what you want.

Keep in mind that you will have to increase the amount of time he goes without an orgasm gradually, but 2 weeks to 1 month is a good time frame. Emily demonstrates beautifully how to control a man’s ability to cum. When asked how long she typically witholds an orgasm from her fiance, she said, “About every 21 days, and this is after weekly edging and brewing. I’ve made him go two months on occasion, usually if he’s crossed me in some way. It’s funny how we don’t fight. He just knows if I get mad at him or disappointed in him, he won’t cum. I do like to change it up, so he doesn’t know when it’s coming (pun intended.)”

You are the bewitching beauty – he is the beast. The ability to tame him lies in your hands.

Have you mastered the art of male orgasm denial? If not, are you ready to start?

Terms to Know

Edging – Bringing your men to the edge of orgasm then stopping all stimulation, thereby preventing the climax. This can be done several times during one session of sexual activity or done repeatedly over a period of days or weeks. The goal is to withhold their orgasms for a period of time.

Erotic sexual denial – keeping your men in a high state of sexual arousal for an extended length of time without being allowed to orgasm.  Alternatively the phrase is also sometimes used to mean the total denial of genital stimulation.

Extended session – When your men are prevented from cumming until you decide to end “the session.” A session can be minutes, hours, days or longer.

Orgasm denial – see ‘erotic sexual denial’ above.

Orgasm control – see ‘edging’ above.

Total denial – When your men are forbidden from having orgasms. This is also often called chastity, where men have no genital stimulation at all (ever) and their only focus during sex in on your pleasure. 

 Male Orgasm Denial’s Roots in Ancient Philosophy

tao male orgasm denialTaoism is a philosophical and religious tradition that emphasizes living in harmony with the Tao. The term Tao means “way”, “path” or “principle.” Taoist sexual practices, literally “the bedroom arts”, are the way some Taoists practiced sex. These practices were also known as “Joining Energy” or “The Joining of the Essences”. Practitioners believed that by performing these sexual arts, one could stay in good health, and attain longevity.

The basis of all Taoist thinking is that qi (lifeforce) is part of everything in existence. Qi is related to another energetic substance contained in the human body known as jing (essense), and once all this has been expended the body dies. Jing can be lost in many ways, but most notably through the loss of body fluids. Taoists may use practices to stimulate/increase and conserve their bodily fluids to great extents. The fluid believed to contain the most Jing is semen. Therefore Taoists believe in decreasing the frequency of, or totally avoiding, male ejaculation in order to conserve life essence.

Many Taoist practitioners link the loss of ejaculatory fluids to the loss of vital life force: where excessive fluid loss results in premature aging, disease, and general fatigue. While some Taoists contend that men should never ejaculate, others provide a specific formula to determine the maximum amount of regular male orgasms. 


  1. I’ve played edging games with guys before and I’ve always loved how desperate they act but I’ve never even thought of doing this long term. It’s appealing, though. Thanks for taking a complex sexual method and showing how beneficial and fun it could be!

  2. This definitely takes discipline on both your and you guy’s part. You have to both be into it and believe in the benefits you both get. After several days it’s so cute when they as if they can cum.

  3. Alyssa, that is awesome! It is definitely appealing. I am glad you enjoyed the piece. Natalie, thank you for your comment. “After several days…so cute when they ask if they can cum.” LOL. 😉

  4. I freaking LOVE edging. The most I’ve done time wise with denial was a week. I think that was a bit too long for my own personal tastes and tend to only withold for a day or two. Maybe it’s because I’m married to my sub and we both know how stressful raising three little boys can be. 😉 The fact that they’re clean, fed, and alive is worth an orgasm or two.

  5. Fantastic article. I’m currently in the process of easing my wife into this. I always tell her sex is for her pleasure and I always ask to cum. I do all of the household chores and she chides me when I don’t do something right. I love treating her as a goddess.

  6. A great article. I have experianced much orgasm denial in my live, and I know how arousing it is and how much it changes a boy. It already starts to change me after 2 days without orgasm.

    I have also gone 6 month once. I was thinking about the girl who kept me chaste all day long, writing her messages from work and I also started to get more submissive to girls in general. It was a very interesting experiance.

    She even thought about not letting me cum at all anymore, because she knew how much I would change right after orgasm, and that it would take month of hard work to get me to that point again. One part of me could even understand her 🙂

  7. Total male orgasm denial has made me happier than ever!! I’ve been married for three years and for the first two years I was completely miserable!! Total male orgasm denial has completely changed all that!! I keep my hubby in chastity all the time when I’m not using him or when it’s time for cleaning his little thing and my life couldn’t be better!! He treats me like a queen!! He is submissive and attentive and waits on me hand and foot!! He works full-time and does all the housework and cooks for me and obeys me without hesitation!! Things are so different now since I took away his masturbation and ejaculation freedoms!! I wouldn’t ever want to go back to the way things used to be and I would suggest male orgasm denial to any woman wanting to make her relationship or marriage work for her!!

  8. I Swear to God in Jesus Name that I will not CUM again for the remainder of 2013 until YOU give me permission. Richard Herod

  9. This article was very helpful as I do engage in edging sessions. However I’ve never thought, until NOW that is, about doing this long term. It’s definitely appealing.

  10. After easing these comments, it scares me to see what you have done? If you truly love your husband you would want to be equal not a subservient dog! Think of how much stress they must be under from doing literally everything for you! You don’t love them at all. You simply enjoy the benefits of their servitude. You take advantage of them.

    • With all due respect, I completely disagree with your rather judgmental assessment. I’m a man and I can absolutely tell you without a doubt that the benefits of male orgasm denial far outweigh any drawbacks that you can think of. These women have it right and are instilling a much beneficial discipline within their men and have fabulous relationships as a result. These women do love their husbands and they don’t desire subservient dogs as you arrogantly claim, they want caring, attentive, and romantic husbands. They want what’s best for their husbands and their relationships. Their men are not under stress, they’re merely motivated to do what’s right. Lastly, both the man and woman benefit from the arrangement. Again, the benefits of male orgasm denial far outweigh any drawbacks you can think of. Don’t be so closed minded that you’re blind to this fact.

    • Hey Jenna – thanks for your comment. Trust me – like all aspects of sexual power-exchange, guys participate in this willingly and love it. Although there is some psychological control that allows more skilled women to gain the upper-hand in the relationship using this technique that men may not be outwardly aware of, guys conform because they love us and are enamored by us. And we love them. 🙂

  11. Great to see this topic being discussed, as I can relate to this. For any woman interested in achieving the full benefits of male orgasm denial, I strongly recommend the use of a male chastity device. I have found that his will power alone isn’t enough. My husband is now pierced and locked in a secure metal device (after much pressure on him from me to agree) because I caught him secretly slipping out of the earlier device I bought for him. Despite any begging on his part, I only allow him one orgasm a month and I know I would not have been able to achieve this had he not been pierced and locked in a secure male chastity device. What the other women described here is true, I’ve never been happier! He has become the perfect husband, extremely romantic and attentive and our level of intimacy has actually increased significantly. He gets more affection now than he’s ever gotten from me before and I get more orgasms and pampering and chores done for me than I ever could’ve imagined. I love the peace of mind that comes with being at work on his day off and knowing that he’s at home getting work done around the house (laundry, etc) instead of masturbating to porn. 🙂