“He knows how I like it,” explains Emily Darnell, a married advertising executive in her late twenties. She’s glowing as she details the sexual routine she has with her husband. “First he goes down on me, often for a half hour or so, and then when I’m right there on the verge of cumming, he enters me and fucks me viciously and I have such an intense orgasm.”
She stresses those lost two words, eyes wide with excitement. Intense… orgasm.
“But not him. He isn’t allowed. He stops after I cum so we can have cuddle time and I think it’s so hot feeling his hard cock pressed against my ass, knowing it belongs to me and his pleasure is mine to give or withold. It is quite the power trip!”
Emily is just one of a growing number of women who practice erotic sexual denial, also known as orgasm denial or orgasm control, a sexual practice in which a man is kept in a heightened state of sexual arousal for an extended length of time without orgasm. The length of time can range from hours and days to weeks and months.
“He’s much more attentive to me when he hasn’t cum for a while, much more willing to please me, to communicate with me.” says Emily. “He sees an orgasm as a reward for making me happy and I can extend that for days, even weeks.”
Do you want to be a sex goddess – treated like a queen – wave your magic wand and get what you want? Of course you do, and you deserve to have it. Oh, the fun doesn’t stop there – not at all. By practicing male orgasm denial, you will be powerful – pleasured – pampered. Your sex partner will place you on a throne and aim to please you in every way possible.
You see – you decide when your lover gets to cum. The truth is, men need help controlling their cock. Teasing and denying a man is exhilarating for you and sexy to him. Eventually, you allow your lover to have an orgasm as a reward for pleasing you. He actually respects and adores you more when you hold the key to his penis – rather literally or figuratively speaking – as some women do choose to use chastity devices.
When asked how she ensures her man isn’t masturbating, she said, “well – that’s the trick, he has to give you his word, and you have to let him know how disappointed you’ll be if he masturbates. Most guys who give control of their orgasm to you will slip. You’ll soon recognize the signs – he becomes less agreeable, and his sexual response time slows. You’re able to pick up on subtle clues.”
Kimberly Thomas, a recent college graduate, has a similar approach and says, “A guy’s whole demeanor changes after sex. After you get to know him, it’s really easy to tell if he’s jerked off. If I suspect it, I just extend the time until he can cum again. Sometimes I even withhold MY orgasm from him. He gets really disappointed if I don’t let him get me off. I just do it to myself while he watches.”
1. You’re in charge. He cums when you decide!
2. You’re the focus. Receive sexual and sensual pleasure the way you want and when you want.
3. You’re always desired. He’ll want you constantly.
4. The lines of communication are now open. He’s now more willing to share his thoughts and feelings with you.
Your man will also gain heightened sensual sensitivity. Emily says, “My husband often jokes that he gets a hard on whenever the wind blows. I can just brush my hand across his cock, and it gets hard almost instantly.”
Make no mistake about it – Emily is in control – her lover enjoys the results of being dominated by a woman who has mastered this art.
“My husband has become my willing slave, LOL.”
Male orgasm denial is erotic for both partners, but it offers multiple benefits to women.
Being in charge of a sexually aroused man is electrifying – both mentally and physically. Knowing you have the power to cause and prevent events from happening, as well as create the conditions, is exciting.
Kimberly says, “I feel very empowered. I mean, I control a very key part of his manhood.”
An Obedient Man Whose Goal is to Please
When an orgasm is a man’s end goal, his desire to please his woman fades away once he cums. On the other hand, when you control his orgasms, his goal is to please you in every way.
Emily says, “My husband doesn’t rush through sex, for sure! He showers me with attention, is very agreeable, and does most of the housework. See, with the promise he might get to orgasm, he doesn’t want to disappoint me.”
“I learned by experience that a horny man is an obedient man,” says Kimberly.
Orgasms – Orgasms – Orgasms
Since you decide when your man will be able to cum as a reward for pleasing you, he will make every effort to give you orgasms – rwith his cock – his tongue – a vibrator – any way you please. Some men can stay hard and please their woman as long as needed once they are used to restraining themselves from cumming. As a result, you can expect to have multiple orgasms.
When asked how she benefited from male orgasm denial, Kimberly said, “More orgasms more often for me. And he treats me like a queen. Do you think he’s after something? (wink)”
Thrilling Tease and Denial Games
Teasing and denying is fun, and it gives both sex partners a rush. When practicing male orgasm denial, you arouse your lover until he is on the verge of cumming, and then you make him stop – he is not allowed to cum. Tease and denial can take place during sex, but you can also get very creative by using sex toys.
Kimberly says, “Tease and denial is a very important aspect. I’m really into edging and brewing guys. I also like to use some emotional teasing – like when I’m cumming, I’ll say something like, ‘Don’t you wish you could cum? But you’re just not worthy.’ I’ve also told him in the past a man’s orgasm is for making babies, and since we’re not trying to make a baby, why does he need to cum? I’ve also reasoned with him that a woman’s orgasm is purely for pleasure. I guess this some kind of mild brainwashing? LOL.”
A Compliant Cock – Equals – A Blissful Babe
You see, when you tease your man and deny him an orgasm regularly, you are building his frustration tolerance; therefore, he becomes more fun to be with.
When a man is teased and denied, he experiences a mindset change. As a result, he reacts much like a female does after an orgasm. He wants to be intimate and snuggle. This allows for a more like-minded, enjoyable relationship.
An Energetic Lover
When a man cums, his energy level declines. However, a guy who has his orgasms controlled has an increase in vitality due to built up sexual energy. The result is a man full of life who is willing to use his energy – by cleaning house – by taking you out – communicating – however you want.
Emily explains it this way – “In some spiritual beliefs like Taoism, orgasm control is encouraged to preserve a man’s strength and essence. Ever heard that old adage in sports that athletes should avoid sex while training? You know that brief moment after a guy comes where he gets emotionally distant and physically spent? Taoists call that ‘the little death,’” she said.
“Now, this arrangement isn’t for everyone. A guy has to really adore you before he’ll go along with it. Guys react to sex and if you’re sexual with them, they’ll become devoted to you.” Emily explained.
Some guys want a female to be in control of them and their orgasms. In fact, this is how Emily became familiar with male orgasm denial. She said, “I had a boyfriend my freshman year in college who was into Femdom. He encouraged me to pursue it, and one of the aspects was orgasm denial. I’ve since practiced it on other guys I’ve had relationships with.”
If you are interested in male orgasm denial, start with some fun teasing and denial games, but allow him to cum at the end. This will give your lover a taste of the advantages. In order to receive the benefits, you will have to talk your lover into allowing you to control his ejaculations – trickery won’t work, but will cause the opposite of what you want.
Keep in mind that you will have to increase the amount of time he goes without an orgasm gradually, but 2 weeks to 1 month is a good time frame. Emily demonstrates beautifully how to control a man’s ability to cum. When asked how long she typically witholds an orgasm from her fiance, she said, “About every 21 days, and this is after weekly edging and brewing. I’ve made him go two months on occasion, usually if he’s crossed me in some way. It’s funny how we don’t fight. He just knows if I get mad at him or disappointed in him, he won’t cum. I do like to change it up, so he doesn’t know when it’s coming (pun intended.)”
You are the bewitching beauty – he is the beast. The ability to tame him lies in your hands.
Have you mastered the art of male orgasm denial? If not, are you ready to start?
Edging – Bringing your men to the edge of orgasm then stopping all stimulation, thereby preventing the climax. This can be done several times during one session of sexual activity or done repeatedly over a period of days or weeks. The goal is to withhold their orgasms for a period of time.
Erotic sexual denial – keeping your men in a high state of sexual arousal for an extended length of time without being allowed to orgasm. Alternatively the phrase is also sometimes used to mean the total denial of genital stimulation.
Extended session – When your men are prevented from cumming until you decide to end “the session.” A session can be minutes, hours, days or longer.
Orgasm denial – see ‘erotic sexual denial’ above.
Orgasm control – see ‘edging’ above.
Total denial – When your men are forbidden from having orgasms. This is also often called chastity, where men have no genital stimulation at all (ever) and their only focus during sex in on your pleasure.
Taoism is a philosophical and religious tradition that emphasizes living in harmony with the Tao. The term Tao means “way”, “path” or “principle.” Taoist sexual practices, literally “the bedroom arts”, are the way some Taoists practiced sex. These practices were also known as “Joining Energy” or “The Joining of the Essences”. Practitioners believed that by performing these sexual arts, one could stay in good health, and attain longevity.
The basis of all Taoist thinking is that qi (lifeforce) is part of everything in existence. Qi is related to another energetic substance contained in the human body known as jing (essense), and once all this has been expended the body dies. Jing can be lost in many ways, but most notably through the loss of body fluids. Taoists may use practices to stimulate/increase and conserve their bodily fluids to great extents. The fluid believed to contain the most Jing is semen. Therefore Taoists believe in decreasing the frequency of, or totally avoiding, male ejaculation in order to conserve life essence.
Many Taoist practitioners link the loss of ejaculatory fluids to the loss of vital life force: where excessive fluid loss results in premature aging, disease, and general fatigue. While some Taoists contend that men should never ejaculate, others provide a specific formula to determine the maximum amount of regular male orgasms.