We’ve been told time and time again that relationships lose their spark after a while. Couples who have sex several times a day eventually cool down to a few times a month. Work gets busy, people get tired, and couples fall into routines that mean sex is something that happens when you’ve already seen the episode of Shark Tank that’s airing on Friday night. We’re content, until that one day we realize we’re not.
If you find yourself in a relationship that has become lackluster in the bedroom, there are a few different routes you can take to regain sexual bliss. The obvious, but still not easy, choice is to put more effort into making things more exciting with your current partner. If your fantasy is to have multiple lovers, you have that option, and can either tell your man, or keep it a secret. The last choice is probably the most difficult to make, leaving your partner. Each of these routes has its own pros and cons, and none are a one-size-fits-all, but each choice can be modified to fit your needs.
Making Relationships More Exciting
If you think about your relationship, and find you’re happy and satisfied in every way but sexually, chances are you’ll want to try and make things more exciting with your current partner. If you’re not exactly sure how to do that, here are some fun options.
How to Sext the Right Way
Sexting is the perfect way to bring an unexpected spark into a relationship, especially when you and your lover are apart for a few days. It can be fun to do while either you or your partner is away on a trip, or even on any regular work day. Imagine coming home from work and instead of feeling exhausted, you’re sexually charged and excited to see a partner who’s equally aroused. But don’t just jump straight into sending each other Snapchats of your privates. Sexting is the ultimate foreplay, it should slowly build up sexual tension until you and your partner are practically begging to be reunited.
To start off, text you partner something unexpected like “I’ve been thinking about you all day, I want you so bad,” but make it as explicit as you can. Remember, descriptiveness is your best friend when it comes to sexting. You want your partner to be able to imagine every touch and sight as if it was really happening.
If your partner seems a little hesitant or shy, try asking them questions to get them going. Some good ones include: what’s something you’ve wanted to try in bed, but have been afraid to ask about? What’s the best sex we’ve ever had together? What’s your favorite positions? Etc. Asking each other questions gets the creative juices (and other juices) flowing and lets you both roll off of each other’s thoughts. You may find out something about your partner you never would have guessed.
Still think porn is for guys? Think again! Adult movies aimed at women and couples are the rage and watching it is no longer a solitary, secretive activity. The latest skin flicks are now watched by both women and men and can be great for relationships. Watching it together is a fun way to heighten arousal and initiate foreplay. If you’ve never watched porn with a partner before, and especially if you’ve never gotten into it by yourself, the idea of bringing it into the bedroom can be daunting.
It’s important to explore pornography by yourself first, to get a feel of what your limits are. If you jump into watching porn with your partner with no individual experimentation, it’s likely that you’ll feel uncomfortable. Take some time for yourself, find out what works for you, and think about if watching with your partner is something you’d be interested in.
Once you find what gets your motor going and feel comfortable enough to share that with your partner, the most important tip to remember is don’t be shy! If the idea of explicitly asking your partner if he wants to watch porn with you makes you feel bashful, there are other ways you can go about it. Surprise your man by having a dirty video up when he walks in the room-bonus points if he catches you pleasuring yourself. Once things get heated up, it’s always fun to try and act out the different positions as they happen on screen. Don’t worry if you’re not a flexible gymnast-the fun is in trying new things and discovering what works for you and your man.
These starting points are sure to help any relationship find their spark, but don’t stop there. Treat yourself to some high-quality lingerie. The sexier you feel, the more confident you’ll be in bed, the ultimate turn-on for your man. Don’t forget about toys either. Vibrators aren’t just for going solo, and toys like anal beads can help you explore a new type of sex. The key to exciting, rip-your-clothes-off sex is to avoid complacency. It’s not easy, and it actually takes a lot of effort, but keep pushing boundaries with your partner.
Taking another Lover – The Cure for Sexless Relationships
If you’re happy in your relationship emotionally and mentally, but sexually frustrated and your partner is either unwilling or uninterested in creating a more satisfying sex life, you have the option to take lovers on the side. There are two ways to go about this: without telling your current lover, or by creating an open relationship.
There are some important things to consider when you plan on taking a lover without your current partner knowing. Before you act, think about the following: Are you comfortable with keeping that kind of secret? Are you prepared for any consequences that may happen if your current lover finds out about your new lover?
For some people, the rush of sneaking around is a huge turn-on, and the main reason for finding additional partners. For others, though, it may lead to added stress and ultimately take away from the pleasure you could be having. If your current partner finds out about your new relationships, hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Your current partner could be ok with it, or could decide to end your relationship. Decide if it’s worth the risk and take steps to avoid getting discovered, for example:
- Set up a dedicated email account for your extracurricular activities and always remember to log out of it after use.
- Clear your browser history of all sites related to your affair, from hotels you’ve priced to restaurants you’ve checked out. Better yet, use the ‘private browsing’ mode of your web browser.
- Keep your cellphone locked and make sure your partner doesn’t know the code. If he pays the cell phone bill, you might consider a second ‘work’ cell phone.
- Don’t use credit cards for suspicious purchases like hotel rooms or restaurants, expecially if they’re out of town.
- Buy separate birth control. There is no reason the amount of condoms you have should fluctuate unexpectedly within a committed, monogamous relationship. Dispose of any extra ones and used packages. Don’t keep them in your car or purse!
At the end of the day, the best way to not get caught cheating is to not cheat. If sneaking around isn’t your thing, try an Open relationship or a cuckolding relationship instead.
Open Things Up!
Talking to your man about the possibility of an open relationship could lead to the amazing sex that you’ve ben craving. Navigating an open relationship, though, can be tricky. It’s extremely important that you and your partner trust each other. If not, jealousy and insecurity are sure to rear their ugly heads. Setting up guidelines from the beginning may sound as unsexy as can be, but they will help to make sure both you and your partner are comfortable with the open relationship.
Some guidelines to consider:
- Is your new lover going to wine and dine you, or will it be purely sex?
- How many lovers will you take?
- Will you spend the night at your new lovers’ house?
- Is there a limit to how often you will see your new lover?
- Will your current partner also be seeking new lovers? If yes, then your relationship is truly open. if not, you’ve entered into cuckolding territory, where you have additional lovers but he isn’t allowed the same pleasure (and why should he? He’s obviously happy with the amount of sex in the relationship already.)
Remember to make compromises when there needs to be. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing, and the guidelines can evolve as your relationship does. A happy open relationship is dependent on keeping trust with your current long-term partner as the number one priority.
Leaving Your Current Relationship
Deciding to leave a relationship is never an easy decision to make. It involves a lot of emotional digging and introspection. It’s important to look at your relationship objectively, and do what’s best for you. You have every right to be selfish when it comes to your own happiness. Don’t let any sort of guilt keep you from leaving a relationship that doesn’t fulfill your emotional and sexual needs. You’ll have the opportunity to seek new lovers in an unrestricted way, and explore your own needs. If your sexual frustration goes deeper, if there’s a more profound unhappiness, this may be the option for you.
Don’t Give Up
It might not sound ideal, but keeping sex great isn’t always easy. There’ll be times when you opt for a quickie right before bed, or just decide to go straight to sleep-and there’s nothing wrong with that. It becomes a problem when that’s all there ever is, and you’re craving more. It’s up to you and your partner to be open-minded, to put in the effort, and to make the time for each other and for the fun, mind-blowing sex you want and deserve.