Diana Anderson, Intimacy Coach: Role Playing Adds Spice, Boosts Confidence

I have always been curious about role-playing. I have never gotten close enough in my relationships to go through with it, however, the idea of pretending to be someone else in the throws of passion completely gets me hot. To satisfy my curiosity and hopefully yours, I went seeking more information about role-playing and the benefits couples can experience when they engage in healthy role-playing activities.

After meeting Diana Anderson, an Intimacy Coach, Author and Public Speaker at a networking event, I knew she would be a great person to interview on this topic. Below, she unfolds how to go about talking about role-playing with your partner, the sexual benefits of role-playing and different ways to explore the right role-playing scenarios that will make you and your partner crave sex all the time.

What are the benefits of engaging in role-playing with your partner?

For both men and women, our largest sex organ is our brain. The brain enjoys being entertained with a variety of stimulation. For women, fantasy can be a huge part of arousal. Some women can climax from fantasy alone. Women can increase their arousal by giving the brain a tantalizing story to increase her desire, then acting out their role in the tale while dressed up to play the part.

How do you go about talking about engaging in role-playing with your partner for the first time?

The biggest challenge is starting to have conversations about sex in general. Couples have a hard time bring up intimacy topics. I recommend the very best time to talk about sex is right after a good lovemaking session when you are arm in arm. You have both just opened up and are very close, plus you are naked. This is the perfect time to say, “You know what I loved the most….” and then add, “Do you know what I would love to try next time…?” or “Want to know what really turns me on?”  I suggest women start with something they enjoyed because this will help their lover feel good about what just happened in bed. First, he is feeling good about the lovemaking, and she expressed what she would love to try. Wow, he just pleased her and she is already thinking about more sex and she wants variety, which he does too. As long as she does not criticize his abilities and she talks about what turns her on, he will be all ears and ready to play.

How do you “get over yourself” and not be so nervous to enjoy role-playing the first time you do it?

The most difficult part for most women is feeling self-conscious about explaining to their partner how much fantasying turns them on. Once they tell their partner, then they might be nervous to do the actual role-playing, fearing their partner will judge them. But that is not as likely as him loving it. In a healthy relationship, with a supportive partner, he wants his lady to orgasm like crazy and wants more sex. When a man is confident enough in his own sexuality, then he generally welcomes experimenting. His mind enjoys variety too. For men, changing things up and seeing the naked female form is more arousing than what the fantasy is about. She wants a story and he just wants different sex positions, different settings, clothing, wigs and to look at her bare body from as many positions as possible. Hopefully her fantasies include him looking at her sexy self.

Is role-playing good for couples who may have lost the intimacy they had when they first met? What other couples should engage in role-playing?

Everything that encourages couples to want more sex and have more sex is good for their relationship, as long as it is respectful to both parties.  Sex creates more bonding and connecting, so frequency and pleasure play an important part in keeping couples together. I recommend role-playing for all couples at all stages of a relationship. Keep the energy fresh and the mind excited and the bedroom will never be boring.

How do you create a safe environment for the role-playing to take place?

Healthy relationships have respect for each other with two people that would never intentionally harm the other. Role-playing and fantasies should be limited to healthy unions and maintain open communication. Either party needs to be able to say, “I’m not comfortable with that” or “That doesn’t turn me on”. Women need to always be able to express to their loving partner what feels good, what doesn’t feel right and if something is painful in a way they don’t enjoy. The risk couples run into with too much fantasy is not being present with each other. Role-playing should be a part of a health repertoire of moves and bedroom occasions, but it should not be the only way that loving people get naked. There is nothing better than a man being loving, tender, focused, present and slowly pleasing a woman for an hour. No fantasy will beat that in a loving relationship. Play responsibly.

What are some safe yet exciting scenarios first-time role players can engage in?

Fantasies and role-playing are very personal and one scenario might turn one woman on while it turns another woman off. Each woman will have to decide what gets her juices flowing. There are books full of ideas and if one excites you, then try it. Fifty Shades of Grey excited many women. They could fantasize that their man is a wealthy, controlling, sex addict who wants to tie them up and pleasure them as far as they can take it. Another woman may want to meet her partner at a bar and pretend that he picks her up for a one night stand and they have sex in a car, hotel or he takes her home, satisfies her completely and then cooks her a nice breakfast in the morning, before never seeing her again. Many women want to be spanked, but are afraid to say so. It’s worth asking for. Another fun fantasy is to have your lover stand outside the house in the dark where you can’t see him. Then do a striptease-act in front of the window, even though you can’t tell if he is watching. Be sure to only use a window that others can’t see in. Leave the door unlocked so after you go to bed your silent lover hiding in the shadows can sneak into the house and pleasure you beyond your wildest dreams.

What will people notice in terms of their sexual energy when they start role-playing?

Couples will likely notice that they get aroused during the day thinking about upcoming interludes, and they may enjoy sex more than they did before, as well as more often. Women will likely feel far less inhibited once they are able to play a role in a fantasy or express their inner sex goddess. Women are more sexually expressive and open to new ideas when they are free to be the pleasure creature they naturally are, and are not held back to some ‘good girl’ limitation that some societies ‘handcuff’ women with. A real ‘good girl’ is a satisfied woman in a loving relationship, which will last because the sex is great.

So there you go fantasy-lovers. Role-playing isn’t all that scary and is incredibly fun in a healthy, giving relationship. Maybe I’ll have to let you all in on my first role-playing encounter.

About Diana Anderson:

Diana is an intimacy coach who has twenty years of experience in coaching women about sex, orgasms and relationships, plus studying the topic to write three books while also attending various trainings on the subject of sex. Find Diana Anderson’s books on intimacy at http://www.amazon.com/Diana-Anderson/e/B00AQ5P61W or visit http://diana-anderson.com/


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There is nothing off-limits when Emily Solomon writes. After graduating with a bachelors degree in writing & publishing from Emerson College, she took a side track through the wine business all to end up back at her writing roots. She now runs her own business, Go-Content.com, where she writes content for business websites and assists companies in managing their social media presence. She thanks god for deadlines and delicious bottles of wine, not necessarily in that order.


  1. Role playing should be a required activity. One of the main reasons people stray is boredom in the bedroom. Communicate with your partners on what the want to do – and be sure you do the same. Keep things exciting.