Christian and Scandalous

Among those who are religious, no topic has been as divisive or as controversial as sex. When the aspect of women being equal or dominant  is added to the mix, the conflict becomes even more heated.  Why does the idea of sexually alluring women frighten many religious people? For some, it is based on their interpretation of the creation story. Eve, it is said, introduced sin to the world by coercing Adam to eat from the tree of knowledge. Some contend the forbidden fruit is symbolic of sex. One of the most reviled figures in Jewish mythology is Lilith,  often portrayed as a female demon. In some Jewish texts, she was Adam’s first wife, created at the same time and from the same earth as Adam. Lilith left Adam after she refused to become subservient to him. Some traditions tell of Lilith offending God because she wanted to be on top of Adam during sex.

The writers and editors of Scandalous! are not Biblical scholars or experts on faith. However, every subject has differing viewpoints.  Many people of faith in all religions believe a healthy sexual lifestyle is pleasing to their Gods or, as one woman put it in an online forum on the topic, “Enjoying my sexuality is my gift back to God who made me, loves me and accepts me just as I am.”

Can You be a Christian and Scandalous?

tumblr_m7w7blC3ad1r0wii2o1_You may be wondering if the words Christian and scandalous belong in the same sentence. At first glance the two words appear to be opposites, but opposites do attract and appearances can be deceiving, just as the devil is.

Do you practice cuckolding, swinging, or have several sex partners, yet feel conflicted? Do you want to try these things, yet feel confused due to your religion? If so, you are not alone.

Dr. David Ley said, “Some couples I’ve interviewed did feel guilty for living a hotwife/cuckold lifestyle.” The psychologist and author of Insatiable Wives went on to say, “I didn’t see very many that were actively involved in traditional church or religion, but many had come from religious backgrounds, and left that behind.”

Perhaps you can continue practicing or entertain your sexual preferences without abandoning your religion. I will tackle the controversial topic of being both scandalous and a Christian with the goal of proving you can be both under certain circumstances while strengthening your relationship.

Dr. Ley said, “I did indeed find many couples who were brought closer together by participating in swinging and cuckolding. If the couple is open with each other, respectful of each other’s needs, explore together and are mutually supportive, then I think this can be healthy.”

Is Cuckolding and Swinging Considered Cheating or Adultery?

I think it is safe to say that swinging and cuckolding are not considered cheating since both partners have to agree to this type of lifestyle. This leads me to the question: Is it considered adultery?

“Monogamy doesn’t mean sexual fidelity, though we treat it that way, it just means ‘married to one person at a time.’ In my humble opinion, it isn’t adultery if it fits within the agreements that the couple has negotiated and agreed to,” said Dr. Ley.

Christian swinger Dave Alexander explains it further.  “The Bible clearly condemns adultery, but only as a violation of property rights.” Alexander continues, “in Biblical times, adultery was defined as having sex with another man’s wife or concubine without his (consent of knowledge), not as having sex outside of marriage.”

What does the Bible Teach About Female Dominance and Submission?

The Bible teaches mutual submission, therefore if a man and woman agree to a Femdom relationship (which may include cuckolding and/or male orgasm denial), then they are practicing Biblical submission.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior” (Ephesians 5:21-24 NIV).

Dr Ley said, “I will say that in the couples I interviewed and documented, when a wife was doing this primarily because of the husband’s desires, this dynamic tended to end up badly, doomed to failure and heartache. Most couples enter wife-sharing and swinging due to the husband’s desires or initiation. But, if the wife isn’t into it, and if it is a burden, or a one-sided activity, then I can almost guarantee that the activity is doomed to end in unhappiness. These variables of sexuality, jealousy, belongingness, togetherness and vulnerability, on top of the social stigma that is risked, are simply too great and powerful to sustain in healthy ways, if the couple is not in it together.”

Some men take Ephesians 5:21-24 to an extreme, and use it as an excuse to control their wives or treat them like property. They seem to forget the fact that the first sentence teaches husbands and wives to give themselves over to the authority, dominance, and desires of each other.

Some men also seem to stop reading at verse 24, rather than continuing to read. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25 NIV). Submission is a voluntary act. Submitting to another person is a choice, so if a husband tries to force a wife to submit to him, he is controlling her and taking the bible out of context. Jesus doesn’t force anyone to follow him or love him; contrarily, he gives everyone free will. Therefore, if a husband uses force or control to get his wife to follow his lead, he is not following the example set by Jesus.

What Does Your Conscience Tell You?

The Bible teaches believers to listen to their conscience. If a Christian believes they are sinning then they are; however, if they have a clear conscience they are not sinning. “But if you have doubts about whether or not you should eat something, you are sinning if you go ahead and do it. For you are not following your convictions. If you do anything you believe is not right, you are sinning” (Romans 14:23 NLT). In addition, what is wrong for one person, may be acceptable for another person.

Nobody is Perfect, and all Sin is Equal

It is also noteworthy to mention that, according to the Bible, nobody is without sin. Jesus had mercy on an adulterous woman in the book of John and points out that all sin is equal:

“The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, ‘Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?’ They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, ‘Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her’ (John 8:3-7 NIV).

The Right Circumstances for Living a Cuckold or Swingers Lifestyle

1. The couple’s relationship must be built on a strong foundation that includes communication —admiration — adoration — support —trust — equality and confidence in the relationship.

2. A couple must agree to live a “scandalous” lifestyle, and they must both want it. If one partner only agrees to swinging or cuckolding for their partner, it is not going to strengthen the relationship.

3. You need to be secure in your belief that swinging, cuckolding, or any other sexual act you participate in is not a sin. You are not sinning if you have a clear conscience, but you are sinning if you have doubts.

Writer Aislin Acquati is part of a new movement of free-thinking Christians. She encourages anyone who feels conflicted about their sexual lifestyle to research the topic further.

Recommended Reading:

The Bible Sex and You: What the Bible REALLY says about: Marriage, Sex, Birth Control, Abortion, Divorce, Homosexuality, Fornication, Adultery, Masturbation and much more!

The Erotic Word: Sexuality, Spirituality, and the Bible

Unprotected Texts: The Bible’s Surprising Contradictions About Sex and Desire

Insatiable Wives: Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them

The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures


  1. Bra-fuckin’-vo! Great piece! It’s amazing we still use antiquated notions and definitions to dictate our lives today. Just for the sake of argument let’s assume there is an all knowing all powerful creator. Why would SHE give us these amazing bodies capable of such intense emotional and physical sensations if it was a bad thing to use them in most situations?

    And how many people can truly say ONE person meets all their needs? All the traditional and Biblical reasons for monogamy have evaporated in modern society. Why shouldn’t women taste the fruits of sexual adventure and bliss? Their faith in a higher power should not be conflicted with that.

  2. Amanda,

    Thank you for commenting. I am glad you enjoyed the article. Sex definitely gives great pleasure to both men and women. Our bodies were made perfectly to fit together. I believe in God, but I don’t push my views on anyone. That is something that is for each person to decide for themselves. And, as you pointed out, some people believe in a God (male) and some believe in a Goddess (female. Thanks again! 🙂

  3. I dated a devout Christian when I was in college – only for a little while. He was sweet and we had sex – a lot of sex – but he always felt guilty and depressed afterward. That’s really what broke us up. I enjoyed variations and he was constantly worried about going to hell. LOL. It’s really too bad people can’t learn to enjoy their bodies and not worry about sin and damnation. 🙂

  4. I think it’s OK to keep things healthy in the bedroom. My husband and I aren’t kinky and weird, but I know that down the line, we may result to other things to spruce things up in the bedroom. True, some people say sex is only for the purpose of making children, but is it really so bad to enjoy it? Especially if it strengthens your relationship?

  5. I don’t think there is any way for Christian to get around the idea that sex with someone besides your spouse is anything other than adultery based on the Bible.

    • You must not have read the piece because if you had you would not have made the statement you just did. You may not AGREE with the Christian writer and the authors of the books that followed the article. I get that. Based on what I’ve read on the subject, the case can easily be made that sex outside and before marriage is perfectly acceptable.

      Of course, that’s assuming one believes the Bible is anything more than a book of myths.

  6. Love the article, I believe in God and in Christ, but have to admit that I have been in relationships and have sex without feeling guilty about it. I concur with the author, the sin is when we betray the other. I have had my girlfriend had sex with other guys and enjoy it and she has enjoy watching me has sex with other girls. Kudos for the article

  7. I loved reading this! Very well done. Swinging isn’t always good for couples because of the whole jealousy thing but it can work if you find people that aren’t intimidating aka people uglier than you or at least at your same level, I know that sounds bad but what can I say that’s the truth. Tip for swinging- don’t pick people you see often. Good God don’t make that mistake because then your partner will be spending more time with the other girl and feelings can develop, it’s just a big mess. I love how you included(John 8:3-7 NIV). What a beautiful story, it’s honestly my all time fav! God knows we’re going to sin and make mistakes so I believe swinging is ok as long as you’re up front about it and honest with God. I mean if you look back in time you will find that people used to have sex in church for spiritual purposes because they felt as though sex brought them closer to God. Everyone’s different so find what works for you and run with it. Once again a great read I would definitely recommend it.

  8. Jay Dee’s comment about what the Bible says is correct—NO sex outside of marriage is allowed.
    That said, I suppose that the Creator also gave to the Wife the sexual power to control Her husband, and to change his behavior to favor Her. This is especially true because of how copulins work—making the man agreeable to the Woman’s desires/demands through sexual coupling. This is why a man must flee all sexual temptation by other women, and ONLY serve the Wife Who owns and sexually controls him.

    Ms. Aislin Acquati’s recommendation of using the techniques described in “The Science of Male Orgasm Denial” are VERY powerful in giving Wives total, irresistible sexual control over Their husbands. Christian husbands WILL be sexually subjugated to their Wives by using these awesome techniques, making solid, unbreakable marriages.