Celebrate the Anti-New Year

Ten Vices that You Should be Indulging In

So you’ve had a month to think about your New Year’s resolutions. You’ve nobly attempted that new diet/exercise plan; you’ve cut television, Facebook, or random hook-ups out of your life; you’ve spent more time working on your resume, volunteering, or bonding with your family. And you’re utterly miserable, right? I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t born to be a saint. If you’re ready to taste the sweet syrup of contentment again, check out the following ten anti-resolutions that you should be indulging in this year:

1) Sexessories: Whether you’re in a relationship or a sexationship, indulge yourself this year by spicing things up. Make it your goal to try a new sexessory once a week (or once a month if you’re on a college budget). Be it a lotion, a potion, a toy, or a naughty novelty, give it a try. Even if it turns out to not be your thing, it’ll make for some interesting memories…and it’s way more fun than dieting.

2) Try a New “Type”: Okay, so we all have a “type” of guy that we tend to gravitate sexually towards. For most of us, that type is determined pretty early on. In high school, even. But men are kind of like food; until you’ve tried it, you can’t be sure that you don’t like it. Next time you’re at the bar, instead of seeking out your usual flavor of man, switch it up. If you’re into sporty blondes, it’s high time you tried it on with the awkward nerdy type. You might just discover something you didn’t even know you were missing. And when you’re 86 years old, you won’t regret it.

3) Schedule an Indulgence Night: All work and no play makes Jill a dull girl. No matter how much you “have” to do, schedule one night a week to blow it all off. There’s truly no better feeling. Order your favorite foods, sip on your favorite wine, soak in your bathtub, light up a blunt, watch one of those movies that has no deeper meaning whatsoever, but is absolutely hilarious. No matter how many responsibilities you have to neglect to score yourself a self-indulgence night, make it happen. It’s good for your health (seriously, there are studies that prove it).

4) Feast on Aphrodisiacs: Desire is a good feeling. Amp up yours by indulging in a night of aphrodisiacs. Feast on oysters, pomegranates, red wine and chocolate. Knock back a few shots of Mama Juana (the national drink of the Dominican Republic, tasty and sure to up your sex drive). Massage yourself (or make your partner massage you) with ylang ylang essential oils, and burn jasmine on your diffuser.

5) Sleep All Day: Getting into a regular sleep pattern is important, waking up early improves your productivity…blah, blah blah. Sleep is awesome. Okay, so between work and life, you can’t sleep in every day, but pick one day a week to sleep in until whenever the hell you feel like it. To make the most of your sleep night, try a calming sleep aid such as Valerian Root, and spray your pillow with a lavender chamomile mist.

6) Get a New Piercing: Maybe now you’re a grown-up (or at least trying to be) you can’t go out and get your nose pierced, but there are plenty of cool and sexy piercings that you can get and still cover up at the office. Hip and lower back microdermals send guys wild, adding a sexy touch to your naked body. For something a little less painful, but equally fun and unique, try indulging in a helix or tragus piercing.

7) Bronze Yourself: So tanning beds are going out of fashion (and from a health-related perspective, rightfully so), but that doesn’t mean that you can’t still achieve that sexy feeling that a good tan gives you. After getting a pre-prom spray tan and turning bright orange, I personally gave up on fake tans for a while…and I was a fool. The times have changed, my friends, and the science of the fake tan has vastly improved. A professional spray tan can now actually make you look bronzed and sexy, so give it a go. They have a great slimming effect that can save you a lot of sweat and tears at the gym.

8) Get a Mani/Pedi: There are few bigger wastes of money than that self-indulgent mani/pedi combo…therefore, I strongly advise that you add a few into your 2015 budget. While it’s true that no man ever has noticed a woman’s nails, a mani/pedi will make you feel groomed and sexy. And when you feel sexy, men do notice.

9) Take a Sexy Vacation: Forget the spa, forget Cape Cod and the Maine coastline. It’s time to up the sexiness of your vacations. Take a week off and get away with your girlfriends to a super hot destination. I’m talking Miami, Ibiza, Vegas, Cancun. If you don’t do it now, the day is sure to come when you’ll regret that you didn’t.

10) Hit the Casino: Gambling on a regular basis may not be the best idea, but taking off on a weekend to hit the casino is totally worth it. Don’t go crazy and lose your entire paycheck, but play a few hands of blackjack, give the slot machines a whizz, and knock back some martinis at the bar. Sure, you’ll probably leave with less money than you came with, but between the atmosphere and the martinis you’ll (hopefully) still feel good about the trip afterwards.


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Originally from Montreal where she covered local night life for an alternative magazine, Lauren is now now based in South Florida where she works in marketing and spends her weekends sampling the area’s night life.