In an alternate universe, I would list giving head as a skill on my resume. With 6+ years of experience, I’m technically a professional on the fast track to mid-level management. I’ve never received formal education in Meat Management, but I have honed my oral skills through on-the-job training.
This isn’t something I’d brag about in a real work environment. However, there are many parallels between a face-to-face meeting and a face-to-crotch meeting. Whether you are an entry level associate needing a crash course in fellatio or an executive looking to perfect your oral presentation, these classic interview tips double as pointers for giving head like you were certified.
Make eye contact, but not too much.
A easy way to appear confident and engaged in both the conference room and the bedroom is to meet eyes with your counterpart. Men are visual creatures, so there is nothing sexier than revealing your desire through a lustful gaze. Flashing your guy a brief, but intense look between mouthfuls can add a visceral touch to an already carnal experience. The key is to do this occasionally—no guy wants to look down and find Chucky staring straight into his soul.
Communicate with your body.
Most of what is communicated in a job interview is nonverbal. Your body language, tone of voice, and overall demeanor are usually saying more than your words.
Similarly, a blowjob is more than a simple mouth + dick equation. It is whole body experience—for him and you. It’s fine to focus on the main course, but don’t neglect the rest of his body. Take full advantage of your dexterity by massaging his thighs or playing with his boys as you go to town. Your hands can also take center stage while your mouth explores other parts of his anatomy.
Think of the big picture when engaging your own smoke show of a body. Instead of hunching over him when he’s lying down, arch your back and push your rear up for a sexier silhouette. If he’s sitting and you’re upright on your knees, spread your legs for a naughtier (and more stable) stance.
Do your research and take notes.
You wouldn’t walk into an interview knowing nothing about the company. So if you’re in a long-term setup with a guy, find out what turns him on. Experiment. Watch porn together. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
If it’s a fling, pay attention to his physical and auditory reactions in the moment. In this scenario, no news is not good news. If he isn’t responding to what you’re doing, add variety. Einstein said insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I once asked a friend with benefits what felt best. He replied, “Give me some options.” Every guy has different triggers and preferences—the fun part is figuring them out.
Keep your hair out of your face.
Professional and practical grooming is a staple for nailing first impressions in a job interview. While long hair is great for pulling in the bedroom, it is a recurring annoyance when it gets in the way of a sucking session. If you don’t have a hair tie with you, use your partner’s hands. As you are going down on him, grab his wrists and guide his fingers through your hair like you’re putting on a headband. Not only have you tamed your mane, you’re allowing him to guide what feels good with his hands on the back of your head—it’s a win for everyone.
A huge turn off to employers is when the interview process feels like “going through the motions.” The initial meeting should be an opportunity to make your future colleagues excited to work with you. In the same vein (ahem), giving head is more than a means of rising to a bigger occasion—it should be treated as an event of its own.
You don’t need to moan like pornstar to express your enthusiasm, but you should be a good sport. Otherwise, don’t offer! If you’re finding it hard to summon your inner cheerleader, figure out what motivates you. Do you care deeply about this guy? Or are you living in the moment and eager to see if this new boy toy can handle you? Whatever your reason, harness a genuine feeling and use it to turn up your energy.
When I hook up with a guy, I go into every blowjob thinking it’s the sole thing he will remember from our rendezvous. In a male-dominated landscape where guys typically control the duration, tempo, intensity, and positions, this is a prime time for women to own the show and demonstrate our skill and creativity—I find that very empowering. When I’m finished with a guy, it is my selfish wish that every other blowjob in his life will be at some level disappointing compared to mine. Some would say I’m driven by pride.
Lastly, if you can fake excitement about being grilled on your worth as a person in a conference room for two hours, then you can fake excitement about marinating someone’s Johnson in your mouth. Just saying.
Make it about them, not you.
No employer wants to hear about how you want remote flexibility and vacation days. They are looking for someone to add value to their company, not reap personal benefits. This “selfless is supreme” policy also translates to your one-on-one time with your man’s member.
A famous president once said, “Ask not how he’ll eat you out, but how wildly you can blow his brains.” Or something along those lines. Going down on a guy is about what you can do for him with no expectations of reciprocation. When it comes to pleasing your partner, you can leave your entitlement and clothes at the door.
Persistence goes a long way in every aspect of life. After a job interview, it is a nice gesture to follow up with a thank you note or email expressing your continued interest in a role.
Similarly, the difference between good head and great head is your follow-through. He’s going to finish either way—the nuance is whether he is able to completely let go without the disruption of warning you or pulling out. Switching gears at the brink of an orgasm takes away a lot from the experience. The key to a satisfying blowjob is continuous stimulation to the end, which usually means you’ll be sipping his wine sample regardless of your decision to spit or swallow.
“But, I don’t like the taste/texture.” Well, yeah, he’s not treating you to Ben & Jerry’s here. Again, it’s about his pleasure, not yours.
Ultimately, it’s your choice to forgo this. I would not encourage anyone to do something outside of his or her comfort zone. But if you want to step up your dome game, then the finish line looks something like the back of your throat.
To give some perspective, imagine going on an amazing date with a guy. Now instead of walking you to your car after dinner, he rushed out the door as soon as the bill was paid. While it was only the tailend of an otherwise great experience, there is a major discrepancy between what it was and what it could have been.
With these tips, you can revel in the satisfaction of a blowjob well done. Scratch that—well is not enough when it comes to salivating for the shaft. Well is how you describe your weekend to your vanilla sex coworkers during water cooler small talk.
Your blowjobs should be phenomenal. Game-changing. Incomprehensible. Once you master the trade of professional grade BJs, it paves the way to other gratifying opportunities—and maybe even a competitive counteroffer.